Stories of Auroville - Thomas
That she did something is clear. That she caught me is clear. That I waited to be caught is also very clear. I needed that Mother. I got the Mother. And I said: “It is the Mother!” There was no doubt about anything. But the experience of meeting her is one thing. The promise is another thing. And her taking care of you is a third thing.
I am a believer. I try to give myself. I pray to her. It does not matter in the end to whom we pray. It is a name even if not pronounced or spelt correctly.
I was an actor and I sort of had a career; I knew that it was not what I believed I could do. My career was nice, I had money, but it was not fulfilling.
I went all over Europe and the US, someone told me to go to California but somehow, I knew that if I would go to California I would not go to India. I went to Afghanistan, to Pakistan, to Iran where I met Sufis. In Sarnath, India,I met two Australians who were coming from Pondicherry. And they kept on saying ‘she is in her body’. In Calcutta I met Jesuits showing me the work of Sri Aurobindo in their library so that was it, I finally went to Pondicherry. When I arrived in 1970 I was told that I can only see the Mother on my birthday. The next morning, bang bangbang on the door. ‘She wants to see you’. Before standing in front of her, I was so proud, full of myself. But I came in and everything was over, everything was done, there was nothing left of me. I was flat on the ground immediately. What I wanted all my life finally happened. In front of her I collapsed. I am not sure how long it lasted, I am sure it only took seconds. My whole life passed, I realized that I was very small. I stayed in that state for quite some time, at least it appeared to me like that. Then I heard a voice saying ‘she wants your hands’. I reached out to her to give them and then arrived this beautiful smile ‘I am there’. So I could get up. I was thinking: without her I cannot go one step anymore. The next morning I was still in Park Guest House. Before waking up I had the experience of Mother being physically inside me. It was strange, it was the Mother inside of me turning like a wheel. In my chest or in my heart. I broke down again, cried and cried…
After that day I didn’t have other experiences – not one. I am hanging mid air ever since. Everything else, she has given to me. I know what she is giving me every day. I take care of this place (Gratitude), I touch the soil every day, knowing that it is sacred soil, Mother’s soil. As much as I can I will be responsible for it. I get all my existence out of it.
This is an excerpt from the book ‘Turning Points’ by Auroville Press.
To purchase the same have a look here.